Learning the Ropes

Last Monday the weather was not so great. I was anticipating yet another stuffy day inside trying to find something to stop the boys from scrapping with each other. A. was already whining that he wanted to use the computer or watch something. This is his go-to habit when he is at a loose end. Thankfully his little brother is more likely to look around for something to do, so when he said "Mummy! I want to tie this rope to the tree!" I was thrilled to say "Good idea!" and open the front door so he could run out to play. It's no surprise that his big brother didn't want to be left out so he followed to see what was happening.

It often starts out with quiet thought with S. and then his brother comes along and tries to steal the thing he's working on. He just feels lonely or bored and hasn't got the most elegant of social skills yet. The more the boys play together the more sophisticated social tools that A. uses. I still have to remind them all the time that if it's not working it's best to explain what you are trying to do. A. seems to learn best by explaining.

The other day at Playcentre there was a visit from someone from one of the local swim schools, explaining about how to be safe in and near water. A. latched on to the concepts that she was explaining to them which related to a picture book she shared with them. A. stopped her all the time and explained what was happening in the story, including what would happen if the picture was different "That's safe at the pool, because they have their Dad with them, but if he wasn't there? That's NOT SAFE!". (I couldn't help but notice the embarrassed smiles of the other parents... his incessant interruptions would have been considered "disruptive" in a class of 20 or more children, but were within range of normal for a preschool group - I began to understand the frustrations expressed by my teachers from school... ok let's face it, I still hadn't grown out of that habit even by university!).

S. sems to learn a lot through doing. "I do it my-SELF!" has been his focus for about a year now. He is only just learning how to tie knots and it is amusing how much each of the boys learns from each other. S. is often the inspiration behind the play, and A. is great at developing the ideas. If it sounds like fun S. will often let A. be the leader, even to the point of pushing him arounds, but S. will remove himself from the situation after a while and just go and do something quietly by himself. 

After tying rope between trees, "We made a tripping thing to trap people!" and then keeping people safer, tying ropes around trees, and then tying ropes around each other, the exhausting game of tug-o-war caused more stress than it was worth, so they boys decided it was time to do something else. The cats had come out to be around people and were playing a mad chasing game up and down the trees, and S. decided he wanted to climb the tree too. He's quite a good climber. Once he finally decided he was too cold and he asked me to help him down. I asked him if he felt safe and he said he didn't. "Okay, I'll help you... you can put your foot there... now lower yourself down... now your feet are almost there, you can let go! You did it! See I said I'd help you!"

Both boys are pretty good at knowing what they can and can't do. S. is quite confident. A. tends to overthink things and make himself nervous. Sometimes I wonder if he cultivates a sense of himself as a victim so that he can abdicate responsibility and feel better when he's rescued... or feel the phantom strength of indignation when he is left to languish on his own. Maybe I too am overthinking things, but it feel like if I can just find the source of the problem, root up the need, then I will be able to address it and find him a way of looking at things that will leave him feeling like he can be in charge, and pro-active, rather than letting his life happen to him.